Entry: stupidly emotional Wednesday, December 01, 2004



what's wrong with me! i'm on the verge of tears for little to no reason! just lots of little things building up i guess but still... why am i crying? *sigh* i'd put it down to pms but it'd be very premature *share moment* so i don't know... probably just school report stress... i'm getting an e in maths and my teacher managed to slip me a d in history even though the marks showed an e... it totally sucks because although i handed in some stuff late in both classes i did all the work... so i guess i'm just stupid... my mother insists that if i hand everything in and pay attention in class i should get 100% on every test, assignment and for my overall grade... i did that and i got basically two e's... that's the lowest grade they give at our school... luckily my mother said that if my grades are that bad she doesn't want to see them i can just become a hairdresser instead of a teacher... today Isabelle said something along the lines of "oh but you won't need maths" but yes i blooming will... i need to stay in advanced and do well so i can get into 2 fairly high level maths courses at college so i can get into primary teaching at uni... and i need 2 english courses at college too, one of them has to be a major if i stay in canberra... and my evil teacher whom i depise with a firey firey passion is failing me too i think so unless i get someone else next year for english i *will* be the failure my mother thinks i want to be... i don't want to do that... i do so much to try to be what she wants me to be but it's not enough... i'm not as smart as she wants me to be... and i work so hard to avoid all the temptations... because i don't want to end up like my parents, over 40 and still spending all my money on pot and cigarettes... i told my mum the other day that i know i suck at maths and i don't deserve to be in advanced and she argued that i don't suck because i did my maths assignment i none night and thought i got everything right but i got it back today and i failed... she thinks i'm so much smarter than i am and it's getting harder and harder to live with those expectations... she thinks i could be a doctor but i can't even do a blooming year 9 maths assignment! god, she'd bloody love this... i'm sitting here typing a blooming blog entry and i've got tears streaming down my face... i want so much to be a teacher, one of the reliefs at our school got 12 on his year 12 certificate and i can't even get that i don't think... everyone always said i was really smart but i'm working really hard and i'm still failing... i might as well move out of home now and start my life as a hooker... seeing as that's where i'm headed anyway...

   9 comments

tawnyfawn
December 11, 2004   01:46 PM PST
 
Hun, you're so not stupid. In any way, form, or...

What's the other one? I can never remember... Is it shape? That sounds good enough...

You're not stupid in any way, form or shape. At all. Finito.

I mean, we've had this conversation before. The my-mum-thinks-im-smarter-than-i-am one I mean. And while I don't think you should neccessarily have to live up to your mother's 'A equals average' thing, I think she's right about you being smart.

And yes, that means maths too.

Look at it this way... On one of the tests, we both failed. You got a slightly lower percentage than me, but apart from that we were almost even. But here's the thing: I studied for that test... heaps. And Ok, it was only the night before, but you payed even less attention in class than me, and you didn't study. You're *naturally* smart. Even without knowing the formulas at all, you did OK.

So there. You're smart. *pokes tongue out*

And plus, who else would we all trust to be an excellent spell-and-grammar-check in one? And you do well in Science and, as it's been said before "you're smarter than" Miss Arnold.

And there are different kinds of smart... Sure, there's the school kind, but wat about everyhting else? Like people smart? You're definitly people smart.

Infact, you're just generally definitly smart all over.

Keep your shin* up.

*I mean chin. Keep your chin up...


from fawny


roz
December 5, 2004   11:04 AM PST
 
dude....sorry just sympathising for a moment. you remember in promary skol when you were shit smart. well you still are. dont forget that,. man i dont why im being sympathetic. i havent seen you in like years. but still. if ur gonna cry go cry over something important. like spilt milk. mmmm spilt milk
Phillip/Tom/Mot
December 3, 2004   03:52 PM PST
 
oh and i know you are heaps smart too, you'll do fine
Phillip/Tom/Mot
December 3, 2004   03:47 PM PST
 
ok rosie its not the end of the world. first of all, we already discussed that you are crying because I am going away lol...hmm maybe not. also, if you don't do advanced maths or whatever it doesn't mean you can't become a teacher. You can do an arts course first off, then do a post-graduate course. You can do law, medicine, education, whatever you want in a post-grad course. So stop your fretting! It will all turn out good don't worry!
J f Z
December 2, 2004   06:07 PM PST
 
I drove my electric wheelchair 3 friggin' miles to the store tonight at 1am. I wanted to see if it would make it to the shooping area from where I live. I was scared that I was going to get splattered unceremoniously by a passing car, but I swerved back and forth while I was on the road. It was so cool. Now I know I can go buy some groceries.

You would have laughed at me for doing something so bizarre, but I'm totally proud of myself for being outrageous, brave, and stubborn.

I need to recharge the batteries in the chair, but now I friggin' rule.
Daniel
December 2, 2004   02:51 PM PST
 
I'll agree with lex here, you are smart, you say smart things and pick up on things most people never do. Plus, I can't imagine you ever being a hairdresser or anything similar, where ever you're going, it's somewhere good. I dunno what to say. I have faith in you. ttyl
spife
December 2, 2004   11:39 AM PST
 
Oh Rosie, I *know* you smart. don't ask me how I know, I forgot... buit for a while i was like "well, Rosie was kinda gifted in primary school, but now maybe she's a bit stupid." (so I'll admit the thought crossed my mind) but then you did something, and I was like "no, fears quelled, rosie isn't stupid." You don't need to do well in maths in high schol (or even college) arts will give you higher UAI's anyway. and the govt is *desperate* for teachers. seriously. I *know* you're capable, but the reason you keep failing is because you're used to failing. You've been the girl who hands in her assingments late for too long, thats *not* your ability. Remember girl, you're *already* over qualified to be a hairdresser!

*hugs*

Seriously, *you* know how smart you are. You're the girl who pikcs up all the weird discrepencies in adds, and you can read!

Did you just hear tricket? "I thought you were sam" now he's a retard, and you're not tricket, so there ya go.

If you just concentrait, keep focused, and really think about what it is to be a good student, then you'll do it.
spife
December 2, 2004   11:39 AM PST
 
Oh Rosie, I *know* you smart. don't ask me how I know, I forgot... buit for a while i was like "well, Rosie was kinda gifted in primary school, but now maybe she's a bit stupid." (so I'll admit the thought crossed my mind) but then you did something, and I was like "no, fears quelled, rosie isn't stupid." You don't need to do well in maths in high schol (or even college) arts will give you higher UAI's anyway. and the govt is *desperate* for teachers. seriously. I *know* you're capable, but the reason you keep failing is because you're used to failing. You've been the girl who hands in her assingments late for too long, thats *not* your ability. Remember girl, you're *already* over qualified to be a hairdresser!

*hugs*

Seriously, *you* know how smart you are. You're the girl who pikcs up all the weird discrepencies in adds, and you can read!

Did you just hear tricket? "I thought you were sam" now he's a retard, and you're not tricket, so there ya go.

If you just concentrait, keep focused, and really think about what it is to be a good student, then you'll do it.
Seige
December 2, 2004   06:46 AM PST
 
do lotsa practices... it helps ;)

ask me if you need to, i'll lend a hand. (i'm math genius)

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