i don't know what to do... paul is nice and everything but... i know teddi is trying to help me get over him by leaving my life... apparently my friends told him it would be best for me... how can something that hurts me so much and brings so many tears be the best thing for me... everyone's listening to other people's opinions of what i want and need but no one hears a word i say... he wants me to get over him but i don't want to... paul is really nice... but he's just not teddi and at this point in time... that's what i want... even if teddi and i are just friends i don't know what i'd do if he left... even just as a friend he still means so, so much to me... i'm so confused... i mean i know all this is resting slightly on the theory that paul likes me... but even if he does... i mean i think i like him, like that, but... i can't let go... teddi leaving won't help... i won't forget about him... i'll just worry even more that he's dead... and i'll have no way of knowing... anyway... i think i have some stuff to work out...

forget what i said about teddi being a jerk, he's really not, i was just mad...

Ok, so today we went to the art gallery. By we I mean the art students, which included (from my class) Maddie, Olivia and Katie (and more) and from Surface Design or whatever, Paul. Though we lost Katie by accident for the better part of the day. Anyway so we had heaps of fun. We fished money out of a pond/sculpture and spent it on hot chips at the cafe, and I got my jumper all wet, so I borrowed Maddie's white shirt, but that got wet too so I just wore my black cami. Anyway, Paul kept making jokes about how I should just take off my jeans and wade in to get the money and he held my hand while I was reaching out further... it was all uber fun. And in the morning before we left I was hugging him coz he looked sad and Erica asked if we were going out... and Maddie and Katie were making eye signals at me when I was sleeping on his shoulder when we first got there... and we walked back to school together most of the way by our selves... I don't know what to think... Oh and then when he walked to Manuka with us Kate just asked outright if we're dating and i said no and he said he doesn't think so. But then on the bus they all maitained (sp?) that I didn't deny it... I'm kinda not sure... I mean he's really nice, and sweet and funny and cute and has warm shoulders... but I don't know if he likes me... Shauno said he thought this morning that we'd make "good makeout buddies" which I think is his way of saying we'd be a good couple... he said we don't mind showing affection for each other and that he's happy when I'm around and commented on the fact that I called him cute... which at the time I meant in a cutie-bunny-pie-adorable way, lol. Anyway... I'll play it by ear and see how things pan out... but he is a really honey...

ok well i talked to nushka and spife and i'm starting to agree with spife, "good riddens to bad rubbish" it's not love that sucks, it's my jerk of an ex-boyfriend.

yeah so the whole teddi thing didn't work out... i won't go into details, not because you'd think they're boring but because i don't want to... but yeah the usual "things have changed", "can we just be friends" and "i just don't feel that way about you anymore"... so y'all were right. there's no such thing as young love... or maybe there's no such thing as love at all... just hormones and human habit, survival. we have to breed to keep our species alive so we invent this thing to make it seem more special... anyway... needless to say, right now i have a very pessimistic view on love etc.

My cat died... it makes me so sad to think I will *never* see her again... I got a new dog though...
I went to the markets today and got a cute ring... hmm I'm too sick and tired to write coherently...

ok, so last night we (we consisting of: me, nushka, spife, teddi, nat, daniel and later daniels friends and we saw teddi's brother and his friends and joe and his friends plus a bunch of ex telopeans and people from school) went to a CD launch at the Holy Grail and it was so awesome!!! Help support local talent (definate talent) by listening to their stuff here: http://www.mp3.com.au/artist.asp?id=18574
Afterwards we went to the service station and stocked up on sugar stuffs then we went to the interchange and talked to teddi's bro and his friends till they all had to go then we (me, nushka and spife) went home and fell asleep to buffy... what a night, and we'll do it all again next thursday.

ok well those plans didn't work but bleh, i still haven't slept so i assume i'm beating holden. tonight i'm going to some underage punk band concert thing, a band i'd never heard of whos name i now can't remember, but it'll be fun. sadly tawny can't come but it'll be me, nushka, spife, teddi, nat, morgan, jack and victor i think... lol one big nushka's ex's party! heh heh well i'll probably post tomorrow to tell you how it goes.

oh and i'm wearing jeans, a black midriff tshirt sleeved collared zip up shirt, a black spiked collar and my hair is currently honey blonde.

this weekend my parents are away! my dad is going to tassie on friday (very early so i can wag school if it takes my fancy) but my mum doesnt get back from the coast till sunday! so on friday night i'm hopefully going to stay home, with teddi... and on saturday night i'll do gal stuff. my bet starts on saturday so i need them to keep me awake. (me and holden have a bet on which of us can stay awake for the longest). and josh from school is entertained by our wierdness so he wants to make a documentary of us over the holidays! (if that works out i'll see if i can upload it and i'll put a link to download or stream it on here if i can but i dont know if i'm that talented). so yeah, such are my plans. holidays starts on saturday and tomorrow (tuesday) is the athletics carnival which is gonna be awesome coz its just one big lunchtime! see y'all later, i know i'm a lazy blogger :P

and some icons...

    
    

and some icons of my friends!!!

    

Zoya                   Spife                   Spife                  Me                     Me and Peter (Teddi's cuz)

  

Brendan               Nushka               Nushka

(if you're using my buffy icons {or other ones though why you would i don't know} please credit, or at least dont say you made them yourself, thanks!)

ok i know i've been neglectful but please forgive me *hugs blog*
now, onto my week.
ok this week at school we've been working on "exhibitions" (where we have to present 3 of our best assignments to a panel of judges and explain how they're relavant to the big question "the future, where are we going and how can we make a difference") our roundtable interviews are next tuesday and we get wednesday off :P thursday was supposed to be our athletics carnival but it got postponed coz of crappy weather.
ok and my friday because it was of utmost interest.
ok first my dad let me take his digital camera to school and i almost broke it, or more peter almost broke it! he accidentally banged it into the wall when he was fighting over it with nushka after she tried to get it back coz he was threatening to take a picture up my skirt (peter by the way is a random at school who just happens to be teddi's cousin). then in maths, interesting lesson, (and actually it was before french which is when the camera thing happened) brendan, paul and shauno wanted me to get mass married to all of them and teddi in india and have a harem...anyway... and then shauno was like "seriously! marry me! or just come to india with me! you don't even have to love me! sex isn't a neccessity, would be nice, but you dont have to!" which was really kinda scary....and mr morris finally sang in assembly! and when nushka and i left french to go see him to get exhibitions journal notes he gave us cupcakes! then that afternoon i went to civic to see teddi and i talked to john wilton and olivia and sian waited with me, so yeah then they left...we saw someof teddis friends and apparently one of them waved hi to me and i looked blankly at him up at teddi confusedly and wandered off into tree of life :P so he apologised and told them i'm "a bit wierd" , then we saw victor and rujia and stuff and those 2 followed us out of the plaza and around the round about coz i didn't really want to talk to them so i was trying to get awy from them, but then they caught up and we talked to them for half an hour ish.... then we went to wait for spife and spife's dad to pick me up and teddi lost his necklace in the grass though it was broken anyway (he'd tried to sell it to rujia) then me and spife came home and got ready and then went to the movies with nushka and tawny (we saw suddenly 30, its good, see it) and after we went and watched the fire twirlers and then we went to maccas, then we went and threw ice in the pond and i found my hidden talent! i can skim ice across water! then we called parentals and went home.
when we got home we talked to torrie, our friend in perth, spife mentioned something about who we were talking to on msn one of them being "meis's depressed-o boyfriend who isn't really talking much" and she starts yelling that he's using me! and telling me to dump him. anyway i'll post about that in more detail later.
today i have to go home early to work on exhibitions some more =( woe is me.